Pain Arrives at the Gate

    Senga Bay, Malawi… The emotion is beyond explanation when you have to look a loyal, long-standing employee in the face and tell him his mother just passed away a brief five minutes after the two of you had been discussing her medical condition. He only just finished his sentence that he did not want her to die, for he would cry like a baby and this he did not want to do. My words have not gone completely silent when he screams,  "NO, my mum has gone, NO." His eyes fill with water, tears rolling down his cheeks, he doesn’t want to be held. Then he just stops… silence… not a word. He tries to phone family members, but he can’t get the words out without breaking down, he looks at me like a child seeking answers, answers I cannot give…

    Next for me is to make sure the body stays out of the mortuary, then to go and purchase white cotton fabric and get the brothers and sister to come with me to collect the body.

    The emotions at Magic’s house is something of silence, family speechless, Magic’s young children looking at me with big brown eyes filled with tears, long lashes with tiny drops of water resting on them, then slowly sliding down tender cheeks, no words, no expressions, just tears… no sound, no words.

    His eldest brother is beside me in the car as I drive through the village. Then as soon as I am in the dry riverbed away from the rest of the family both men burst into uncontrollable emotion, tears streaming down their masculine faces. Then as I reach the road they immediately stop and wipe their faces dry and talk of being stronger.

    Collecting the body from the hospital bed is again another kind of emotion. Magic can’t get out the car. He looks across at me, eyes filling with water like a dam wall waiting to burst, yet trying hard not to break. He takes control and leads his older siblings inside. All the women from the female ward come out to witness the departure of the body. Then he asks, "Why is the body still so warm, why is she (his mother) so soft?" I have to explain while trying to hold in my own emotions.

    The drive back seems to take twice as long as normal. Arriving   back in the village we find close to a hundred villagers lining the sandy road, waiting to view Hawa ("See: Am I Going to Die Here?"), women pouring out their emotions, men standing silent… At a moment such as this one can only choke back one’s emotions… Hawa laid out in her house for all to tell her their story, say good bye, and to ask her for forgiveness, or whatever else they need to say. By noon tomorrow she will be laid to rest.

    And I shall have to learn to deal with my emotions.

    For those who may not know, Magic’s mum fell and fractured her hip six and half weeks ago. It was a trying time but just this last Friday she was declared fit and well. She was to be discharged on Monday, but fell ill over the weekend.